As much as I am tempted to bash my country and the people who run it, I will, instead, opt to be hopeful and create my wishlist for this country I call my home.

For our leaders:

1. I wish for them to have true reverence for our God and spiritual transformation as evidenced by the fruits they bear.

2. I wish for them to genuinely love people in order for them to genuinely love our country.

3. I wish for them to truly care for Mother Earth and to take the urgent steps to save our planet, one small barrio street at a time.

4. I wish for them to drive themselves to and from work once in a while, to sit in traffic and come up with real and viable solutions to the many potholes, inefficient traffic flow, law violators, and the many MMDA officers lurking in shaded areas and behind curbs, waiting to pounce on innocent drivers instead of preventing traffic violations before they happen.

5. I wish for them to lead by powerful and inspiring example and educate the masses on how to be a model citizen of our country.

6. I wish for them to take public transportation once in a while to inhale the smog, get their well-groomed hair or toupees all messed up, feel the sticky and smelly perspiration trickle down their spine, witness the many poor children who board the jeepneys to beg for money and simply experience how it is really like for most public commuters.

7. I wish for them to really look around while they ride in their airconditioned luxury vehicles and not stick their noses on their cellphones and IPads. They might just notice the many homeless living under the sky ways and the “rugby boys” who pose a grave threat to many commuters. And I wish that they will actually contact the necessary agencies to address this serious situation. Yes, Mr. President, Congressman and Senator – this is SERIOUS!

8. I wish for them to end their greed once and for all – to use their allotted funds to improve the welfare of their constituents instead of printing countless streamers, billboards and floor tiles to promote their over-indulgent faces and “HB” initials that mean nothing to any of us and do nothing to alleviate the poverty in this country.

9. I wish for them to pass a law that protects job seekers and employees from age, gender and physical discrimination and enforce this law on companies so that they will become equal opportunity employers. Is it any wonder that our countrymen are leaving for greener pastures despite the negative effect on their families?

10. I wish for our president to just STEP UP to the plate.

For our countrymen:

1. I wish we would educate ourselves properly. Read, listen, observe, read. It does not take a formal education to be educated in what is moral, ethical, considerate and right.

2. I wish parents would educate themselves on how to raise their children the right way. Parents are spoiling their children more and teaching them less values; they are spending less time conversing with them and more time on their gadgets and businesses. Just because a person has a child does not mean that person knows how to raise that child properly. Parenting manuals and tips abound everywhere. Use them.

3. I wish we will be more conscientious about caring for our planet by segregating our trash, using less water and electrical power, by not throwing our garbage just anywhere, and NOT spitting anywhere. Anyone can do this — it is not rocket science. Plant more trees — DON’T CUT THEM FOR ANOTHER PARKING LOT, SM!!!

4. I wish we would all genuinely care for one another. We all need compassion, and we all need to give it as well.

5. I wish we could be kind to one another. Let us stop bullying each other, and stop the bullies who make going to school or work a nightmare for many.

6. I wish we would take a definite stand against  abuse of any kind, especially the sexual abuse of children. All abusers and perpetrators should be put in jail so that less children will be exposed to these dangerous criminals. I wish parents who choose to coddle the abuser/s of their children would be made seriously accountable for their selfish actions.

7. I wish we could all dream big dreams for ourselves, our families, our country and our planet, without harming or sacrificing anyone or anything.

And so my wish… is that these wishes will be granted.

God’s many promises seemed irrelevant to me and my situation. They were outdated and were definitely objective reality as far as I was concerned. I witnessed injustice, suffering, severe pain and loss among my family, friends and countrymen. God’s mercy and deliverance seemed very far away.

After more than a year of leaving my Bible on a shelf to gather dust, I fearfully picked it up and leafed through the still crisp pages. It was an emotional experience. I know in my heart that Jesus never left me, but I stopped believing in his word — at least those that promise deliverance, provision and help to the widows, orphans and fatherless.

I did not go to my “favorite”‘ books. I simply skimmed through and decided to read Habakkuk. This was not a book I often read so I was stunned to read “myself” and my situation so accurately described by the author. I cried his cry for many months: “How long, O Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you , “Violence!” but you do not save? Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong?” – Habakkuk 1: 2-3 (NIV throughout)

Did I receive the answers I wanted to hear? I guess not. I was utterly despondent and wondered if God would ever forgive me for dwelling in negativity and misery for so long. In his unfailing love and mercy, he whispered these words to me.

“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.” – Habakkuk 3: 17-19

He is healing me enough to begin praising him – “….to choose to trust God and declare that his character is perfect – even when we don’t understand and our hearts are breaking.” – Insight on Worship, CGSB, NIV

My heart is still breaking. My husband and I just lost another beloved pet only one week ago. By God’s strength, I choose to be hopeful and to continue to live my life with all my heart and might because life is just too short to remain in pain, anguish and grief. We have a mighty and loving God who continues to save and heal us. And he continues to save and heal me, one small step at a time.

Our sweet, funny and loyal boy passed on after almost a month of suffering from kidney infection. My husband and I panicked and worried about him endlessly and lived several miles from our trusted vet. We had relocated over a year ago and had difficulty finding pet clinics and vets that were up to par. When Beans’ kidneys failed, we took him to a recommended vet who did a very bad job with his surgery and post-surgery care. We will always regret that decision made in a panic. We didn’t know where else to go.

After much prayer and tears, we put our baby Beans to sleep and buried him in a compassionate friend’s backyard. We do not have soil or a garden where we reside in now. My husband stayed up with Beans the whole night and just soothed and comforted him while I fell asleep crying.

It has been years since I last sketched or drew anything. It’s what I had done and known all my life and the inability to get back to it due to depression has ridden me with guilt and anger for many years. I thought that starting over with a picture of Beans would help me and be therapeutic, in a way. It wasn’t. Or maybe it was.

I still couldn’t draw, but crying my heart out again helped. I miss our baby Beans. Hubby and I find it difficult to talk about him without breaking down. But we need to talk about him. We need to look at his pictures – and are we thankful that we took a lot of them! He was a very willing subject. He was willing to do anything to please us.

A good friend gave us our new pup Eloise, a Jack Russell Terrier, two months later. While she brings us much joy and is possibly the most affectionate kisser, the void Beans has left in our hearts refuses to be filled. Our little Peanut (a feisty min pin we’ve had for more than four years now) also continues to be my” little one”, but I will always miss our big boy.

The dark marks on our wall will remain untouched for a while because they were left behind by Beans. Perhaps my sketchbook will remain untouched as well for a few more months. I haven’t recovered. I don’t know when I will, but I’ll give myself permission to grieve some more, and I won’t set any deadlines.

It was such a blessing – such freedom! – to be off the grid known as the social network. We may not realize this but there is so much pressure and expectation to project a certain persona, to greet and respond to all our Facebook or Twitter “friends”, to accept all “friend” requests and invitations to join other social networks, to never “un-friend” anyone, to always be online, to comment on people’s photos and status, and the list goes on.

Just a few days ago, we “lost” our internet connection again. This time, it was caused by some freakish factor. If not for the fact that we are paying for our internet subscription, I felt relieved to have an excuse not to check mail, FB, etc. Believe it or not, it’s not all good news and pleasantries in social networks. There are a lot of conflicts, bad news, personal attacks masked as famous people’s quotes, and wars being waged online for the entire world to see. No one cares anymore if personal conflicts are not for general consumption. The more people know about it, the more powerful the weapon. It’s not only very sad – it’s downright tragic!

I don’t know if someone else already came up with these, but here are my thoughts about social networking:

It is to be used to seek peace and pursue it; not to wage war. It is to be used to build bridges; not burn them. It is to be used to affirm and encourage others; not to berate or malign anyone. It is to be used for decency; not for obscenity. It is to be used for thoughtful truth; not for hurtful lies and deceit. It is to be used for good; not for evil.

It is also healthy to rest from social networking every once in a while. I still believe that more meaningful relationships are built, developed and sustained in personal, face-to-face encounters. Any misunderstandings can be cleared faster in a face-to-face conversation. Loving and forgiving touches can be given and received, and these promote healing in the most profound ways.

We are relational beings. We need to experience touch; we need to be able to smell aromas and associate memories with them. The same goes with sights and sounds. We need to be able to “speak” and “listen”. More importantly, we need to connect with other human beings; people we can grow with, laugh with, cry with, hurt with, or just BE with.

Life was meant to be simpler than it has become. It behooves us to “un-complicate” things and get back to the basics. Spend real personal time with family and friends. Lay down our mobile phones, PDAs and laptops and actually learn to communicate verbally and listen attentively. Turn off the TV. Slow down. Leave the car home and take a walk to the bakery. Stop and smell the roses, because they may soon be gone. Pray. Meditate. Heal.

May we all learn to give up what we don’t need and keep what matters most. Have a stress-free day.

Since it was our first time to volunteer, we didn’t quite know what to expect. After changing into our clean and white “work clothes”, we entered the babies’ and toddlers’ sections and were immediately and eagerly greeted by the tots. I hardly had time to see where my husband went because the child that greeted me at the door of the nursery held up his hands to be carried.

I was overwhelmed. So there I was, wondering how I could help when I didn’t have children of my own and nervous as to what was expected of me. It didn’t take me too long to figure it out. I just needed to give them love.

There were many volunteers but there were also more babies than everyone can handle. I was in the room that housed eight babies ranging in age from four months to perhaps one year. Each one wanted to be carried, comforted and put to sleep. After playing with two of them, I carried a crying little boy with almond eyes and a cute round head. He was crying  and rolling from side to side in one corner of the play mat that I had to attend to him immediately. All volunteer hands and arms were full so I rushed to him after putting down the little boy that first greeted me.

It took me just two seconds to lift him up and he immediately stopped crying. The distress was lifted from his tiny face and he seemed content to just be held. My heart just melted. I needed no special mothering skills or years of child-rearing experience to calm a crying baby. I was humbled and I offered prayers to God for those babies whose parents didn’t want them anymore.

I put no blame on their parents. I don’t know their stories and I’m not their judge. I can only pray for more people whose hearts will be touched to volunteer their time and love to these children. This is not the only shelter in our country. There are many more that need not only volunteers but donors so that these homes and shelters will continue to be in existence and will be able to take care of more children. You can look them up on the internet, check out their wish lists, and give them a call.

There is also a need for more caring people to adopt these children and give them a more permanent home. Each child needs special and constant attention, which adoption shelters cannot provide 24/7. There are costs to be counted, the most crucial of which, I believe, is commitment.

My husband and I are seriously considering adoption and we are doing our research, on our knees. If we could give a home to just one child, then that’s one child less at a shelter. That’s one more child assured of love and a better future. We don’t have all the resources just yet, but by God’s grace, we can work those out.

We pray for that baby He has already matched and prepared for us. And as we wait, I am always reminded of our own precious adoption by God the Father, through Jesus Christ.   ”⁵He ^(A)predestined us to ^(B)adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, ^(C)according to the kind intention of His will” – Ephesians 1:5 (NASB).

Southern Luzon Medical Center

It has been a week today since my first ever surgery. I had a laparoscopy cholecystectomy done last March 24 to remove my gall bladder because of the many stones that resided in it and caused me many hours of pain. Many may say it’s a very common procedure for a minor organ and that I’m making too much of a deal of it. Like I told my hubby, it’s still my bladder and it’s still my body. There is nothing common about it. I only have one of each!

I had about a week to prepare myself physically, mentally and emotionally. I thought I was doing pretty well in that I was still able to function around the house and do my baking and deliveries. Well, not really. I did break down the day after my surgeon told me that I had to go through the surgery. I was tearing apart at the seams as my fears surfaced and almost engulfed me. I was losing my bladder! It’s major!

Many friends and family members sent their support and prayers through text messages and e-mail. I read and re-read my Facebook messages and thanked God for His love expressed in tangible ways. These were the messages I reviewed in my mind when I was wheeled to the operating room. And as I was laid down on the bed with the many green and blue-masked figures hovering around me, the bright OR lights reminding me of the many ER episodes I’ve seen, I listened calmly to the soft buzz and beeps of the various machines I was hooked up to. I thought I was calm until one of the nurses read my blood pressure to me: 120/90. That’s high! I’m cool with my normal 110/70.

I realized then that the surgery may be postponed if my BP didn’t cooperate. That was when I suddenly felt Christ’s comforting presence in me. I thanked him for the treatment I was about to receive and silently prayed for my anesthesiologist, surgeon and nurses. And then I blacked out.

I woke up to the voice of my able anesthesiologist and my sweet hubby. Since I was just beginning to regain my consciousness, I could only manage a “thumbs up”, with my heavy eyes and parched mouth still shut. I also realized that I survived the surgery and that I was never alone. Jesus was with me the whole time.

I look back now and still fight back the tears whenever I remember that special moment before I lost consciousness. That was the moment when I felt so much fear yet so much peace and comfort afterwards. I am also filled with gratitude for the love and support of our church family who visited me in the hospital and stayed to care for me. That was love in action. I will never forget that. And to my hubby, a big kiss and hug for his loving care and sacrifice.

I was never alone. I know that now.

I have always been a thinker, and a very independent one at that. Random thoughts, movie dialogues, quirky quotes, personal opinions, new words, useless trivia (this is probably a redundancy) and meaningless observations fill my mind to overflowing on a daily basis. I have often felt like pulling my hair out ‘til my roots scream to silence my mind for even just a split second. Of course, the thought of having several red, icky, bald spots as my hubby and I walk hand-in-hand in the mall freezes my fingers mid-air every time.

It is, therefore, not a chore for me to wait in line at a slow cashier or sit on a rock facing the ocean ‘til the moss start growing on my legs because thoughts can fill my mind and entertain me for hours.

However, I also silently voice out pretty strong views, observations and unsolicited advice and opinions so often and all but rage inside because of the strong urge to just blurt them all out and set things straight. Of course, this is not always expedient and more often than not, the less said, the better. And since I was never into writing (by hand!) in journals and diaries, my mind just simmered with all these thoughts.

So you see, blogging could not have come at a better time for me.

To be able to write down, rather, type, all my thoughts freely – no rules, no standards and no censures – is a haven of rest for my sometimes weary mind. To be able to experiment with new words and new ways of expressing my thoughts and ideas is an exciting exercise; much like stretching out muscles I never even knew existed! To have my articles in a blog read, appreciated, and even quoted, is a balm to my aching soul. And to be able to do all these in a cyber-venue that is very simple to use, update and design is a bonus I simply cannot resist!

I could be anywhere at any time and still have access to my blog site. This is true writing without borders! And for someone like me who sometimes experiences the oft denied “memory gap”, blogging is the best way to keep those elusive details fresh. All I need is my handy laptop, an electrical outlet and a relatively peaceful place to sit and write.

A new and ever-growing community of bloggers also exists worldwide to inspire and even challenge writers like me to persevere and pursue our passions without a moment’s hesitation. I have nothing to lose but everything to gain whenever I make the most of every opportunity to be heard; to be read through my blog.

It behooves me, therefore, to write responsibly. And that’s okay. I can be both passionate and responsible with the freedom I am given in cyberspace.

Blogging can be an ally or a foe. It’s really up to me, and I’m happier knowing that blogging is a worthy friend to me.

In just a few short months, the Twilight Saga’s Eclipse will be in movie theaters and fans will be risking life and limb to secure premiere tickets. I can’t say I blame them. I’m forty years old and I’m a fan! Do I hear some not-so-subtle comments and poisoned darts flying at me? C’mon, cut me some slack and hear me out.

I’m not here to review the books or the movies. It did puzzle me, though, that I would actually be into this whole saga. Like I said earlier, I’m 40 years old and way past (or so I thought) the teeny-bopper stage that goes gaga over handsome and hunky teen idols. I was also never into vampire stories because I found them to be too gory and depressing. The romance in them didn’t work for me either because fangs, blood-red eyes, claws and coffins were hardly turn-ons. Ugh!

Stephanie Meyer, the brilliant author (if I may say so) of the Twilight Saga, found the perfect formula to lure me into her make-believe world of mythical creatures. She wrote a classic romance, added a love triangle, spiced it up with both internal and external conflict, jazzed it up with highly interesting, not to mention, incredibly good-looking characters, and iced it with the forever-after (literally) we all wish for in our own romances.

I’m married to my best friend 11 years now, and I never get tired of re-living our romance in our life now, in my mind and in my sleep! I’m a sucker for a good romance and the Twilight Saga did not fail me. So, you see, it’s not too late for me yet. I think I will always appreciate a great romance way into my sixties! My hubby so generously gave me the first two books on our anniversary, and I now have all four books. I cannot wait for Eclipse to be out and I made my hubby promise me movie tickets that will allow me to see the movie twice in a row.

An added plus? I get to relate with our many younger friends who are so into this craze, while also exchanging notes and observations  and how they relate to us in our present lives. And, no, I am not justifying my fondness for all that’s Twilight — I don’t need to. I’m in my mid-life stage and I’m enjoying the “twilight” while I’m at it.

Sadly, there is a dearth of compassion in this world, even among so-called “Christians“.  It is highly encouraging to witness through the news funds being raised and food being distributed among the typhoon victims week after week. The heroism of a people is usually seen in tragedies of epic scales. But among the ordinary folks eking their way into existence every single day, a brief encounter with compassion is an oasis to a thirsty and war-weary soul. Yes, an oasis in the desert – hard to find, seldom seen, and a flitting mirage at best — but very much needed.

Compassion –  the deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the active desire to alleviate it — is something every hurting soul needs right now. Let us give it. Let us throw away useless platitudes, judgment, self-righteousness and even a messianic complex. Let us just feel with the hurting — no words, just feelings and loving gestures. Maybe a hug, a sincere pat on the shoulder, an understanding and kind glance. This is compassion. A soft and gentle voice mouthing judgment is not the same thing.

We call ourselves “Christians” — let us live in the way Jesus Christ lived. He is compassionate (Exodus 34:6 – “…The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.”). If we want to know how else we can sincerely express compassion, we can look to Jesus’ examples in his word (you can check out BibleGateway.com). After all, he is our best example.

As I have posted earlier, I am going through major depression — or a relapse of it. I have already shared this with a group we used to belong to only recently. It  was necessary for me to share this because I can no longer fulfill my responsibilities to the group.

I was half expecting it, yet I dreaded it — that someone in the group would eventually say her piece to try and make me feel better. And then it came. The so-called “advice” was so ridiculous that it reeked of total ignorance of my condition and even the lack of compassion. Why, oh why, did she have to say it?

Why do people love to give their five cents’ worth of advice without first getting their facts straight? Why do people love to talk and sound knowledgeable when they know nothing at all? In our field of ministry, we also encounter a lot of people who love to “counsel” other people but don’t bother to equip themselves with even basic counseling skills. So instead of being a comfort to the troubled person, they unknowingly become a source of discouragement and guilt! But they don’t know this and think that they are simply gifted with the ability to counsel people.

I’m sorry to burst their bubble but ignorance isn’t bliss! With the availability of information over the internet, there is simply no excuse to be ignorant. We need to equip ourselves with knowledge, especially if we have the desire to help others. I especially urge those who have the annoying tendency to play doctor to at least get some much needed facts before even blurting anything out.

The truth is, the more one talks, the more one’s intelligence or ignorance is made evident. I have noticed many times,though, that the more knowledgeable and secure a person is, the less he talks. But the more foolish and insecure a person is, the more he tries to compensate for his lack by blabbering. This is sad.

I pray I will not encounter another faux doctor any time soon. No, I don’t need any advice about my condition. I’ve done my research and I continue to do so. I also have a real doctor to tell me what I need to hear.